uhuh...

wednesday october 22, 2008

so ok... tonight i made my biggest decision. i finally told her. and she was shocked, mad, disappointed and almost threw up on me.

i was with our common friend, who helped me all throughout this entire week figuring how to spill my feelings to annie, when annie rejected me. so yeah i told my bestfriend (still my bestfriend) how i feel for her and told her that it hurts me when she's hanging out with this other guy. and then drama went on and on and on.....

i tried calling her but she does not want to talk to me and i went to her apartment and guess what???? no answer!

i just ruined the best relationship i have ever had in my entire life. sooner or later i guess i'll lose touch with her. but i can't imagine my life without someone bugging me to buy her chocolates or asking me sweetly to just stay with her. i just can't imagine my life without her beside me. it'll be awkward and difficult from now on.

i'm sorry.. i really am.. i did not change at all, this is still the same me. the only difference is that i told you that i love you so much annie.

ugggghhhh.....

saturday, october 18, 2008

this is probably the most depressing day of my life.

last night my bestfriend asked me to hang out tonight together with her other friends. But my resident just called that i will be on duty tonight. i mean thanks doc!

everything was planned out... we are going out, i will take her to dinner afterwards, bring her a dozen of roses and chocolates.. confess.... uggghh...

i guess it's not the right time yet. but there will be a perfect time for this.. i just want to let my bestfriend know how i feel..

i just love you the way you are my dear Annie...

still my bestfriend....

an hour ago, i posted my confession about my feelings for my bestfriend...

just now, she asked me to go out with her tomorrow night, together with the same crowd that she was with last night. so i said yes.....

im still battling with me thinking about should i tell her or not. but s***t this will hurt our friendship.. but why not try it.. i wasn't raised by my mom to be a coward after all.. huhuhuhu

i hope someday you'll know...

i just love you annie.. i just do...

my bestfriend who went to marker

so ok.. i don't know why i'm doing this blog. maybe because i can't tell my bestfriend about this and i have nobody else to talk to. so... this blog is about my bestfriend who went to marker (a club) and hang out with her other friends from her other class. she went last night and went back and talked to me about her experiences in the club. i'm so glad that she had a marvelous night but her telling me that she had a blast night together with this other guy is KILLING ME!

i've known my bestfriend for like seven years now. we went to the same university and now we are both in the same med school. so yeah, all we do is study and eat and work. Sometimes i go to her apartment and just study and vice versa. we treat each other like siblings (ouch!). we always say i love you to each other but for her it only means as a brother. she calls my mom "mom" and i would call her folks "mom" and "dad". she cooks for me and i do the same thing when there's no dinner in her crib. and yeah, the list goes on and on and on......

ever since when we were still in pre-med school, i have always cared so much for her. she is the sweetest lady i have ever met. she's beautiful, sweet, kind, extremely smart and any positive word you can ever think of. i'm not saying this because i have a strong feeling for her but because she really is the perfect lady any man would want to be with. but the problem is she does not know. she has no clue that i love her very much.

anyways........ last night she went to marker. she danced all night while me waiting and slept in her apartment. she wasn't drunk when she went home so i didn't care much at all because i know that she's still in her safe mind (hihihi).

when we woke up, she started talking about this guy that according to her was very attractive. she told me every detail that this guy did like holding her hand, putting his arms around her. so im like, do i really have to know??? and she started asking me, "what should i do? i think im kinda attracted to him, he is sweet, he has a nice voice, what should i do?" every time she pause, all i ever said was "let it grow". hahahahaha...

so after dinner, the guy called. i was the one who answered the phone and guess what? he has a nice voice. hehehe.... they talked for like an hour and now their going to the second date.

that afternoon, she rented the movie Maid of Honor. the movie was pretty much the same as our story except that i would never want to be her maid of honor. the guy in the movie was inlove with her bestfriend and the same as i am, we don't have the guts to tell our bestfriends that we love them.....

so that really hurts... coz she like the guy. if only she knows how much i care for her...... But i have no idea how to tell her. God knows how much i love this lady. so now im thinking, "does anybody know what should i do?" please help..... since i don't have her to help me...

God knows how madly inlove i am with Annie.